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The bar chart delineates the use of residential water, including both homes and apartments, in Australia, in 2004

The bar chart delineates the use of residential water, including both homes and apartments, in Australia, in 2004 6LP7r
The charts show the total usage proportions for water in Australia and a breakdown of its residential purposes. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that the vast majority of water is dedicated to houses, followed by apartments, industry, businesses and finally others. In terms of residential use, it is mainly for bathrooms and gardens, with lower numbers for washing clothes, toilets and kitchens. Looking first of all at the pie chart, houses represent 57% of total water usage, far surpassing apartments at 13%. Industry was in third place in terms of water use at 11% and the final three all had percentages of 10 or under with business being 10%, government 6%, and lastly other at (3%). The bar chart delineates the uses of residential water, including both homes and apartments. Nearly 30% of all water was used for bathrooms, the highest figure, while gardens were slightly lower at 26%. Washing clothes translates to 20% of usage, followed by toilets at 15%, and kitchen use totalling just 10%. In summary, it is clear that most water was used by people at home and the main reason for water use was for menial chores
The charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the total usage proportions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in Australia and a breakdown of its residential purposes. Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is dedicated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, followed by apartments, industry, businesses and
finally
others. In terms of residential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, it is
mainly
for bathrooms and gardens, with lower numbers for washing clothes, toilets and kitchens.

Looking
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
at the pie chart,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
represent 57% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage, far surpassing apartments at 13%. Industry was in third place in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
at 11% and the final three all had percentages of 10 or under with business being 10%,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
6%, and
lastly
other at (3%).

The bar chart delineates the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, including both homes and apartments.
Nearly
30% of all
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for bathrooms, the highest figure, while gardens were
slightly
lower at 26%. Washing clothes translates to 20% of usage, followed by toilets at 15%, and kitchen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
Possible spelling mistake. 'totalling' is British English.
totalling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10%.

In summary, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that most
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at home and the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
was for menial chores
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IELTS academic The bar chart delineates the use of residential water, including both homes and apartments, in Australia, in 2004

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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