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the proportion of Japanese, Swedish and American citizens at the age of 65 and over, over the period of a century between the year of 1940 and 2040.

the proportion of Japanese, Swedish and American citizens at the age of 65 and over, over the period of a century between the year of 1940 and 2040. 0lQ7Q
This graph illustrates the proportion of Japanese, Swedish and American citizens at the age of 65 and over, over the period of a century between the year of 1940 and 2040. lt is apparent that the aging population in three different countries is expected to increase approximately 25 %. In the year of 1940, the percentage of elderly people stood at 5% in japan, about 7% in Sweden and around 9% in the United States. And the ratio of senior citizens in Japan dropped to 3% and remained steady to 2000. However, Sweden had an opposite trend, the percentage continuously increased from 1960 to 2040 with a slight dip in 1990 and 2020. In the states, the percentage stayed almost steady at about 15% from the year of 1980 to 2020. From an overall observation, western countries namely Sweden and the U. S. A. held greater proportion of elder people at the age of 65 and over from 1960 to 2030. Nevertheless, over the period of a decade between 2030 and 2040, Japan is expected to have the greatest percentage of senior citizens among these three countries.
This graph illustrates the proportion of Japanese, Swedish and American citizens at the age of 65 and
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over
,
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over
the period of a century between the year of 1940 and 2040.
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lt
is apparent that the aging population in three
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different
countries is
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expected
to increase approximately 25 %.

In the year of 1940, the
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percentage
of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
stood at 5% in japan, about 7% in Sweden and around 9% in the United States. And the ratio of senior citizens in Japan dropped to 3% and remained steady to 2000.
However
, Sweden had an opposite trend, the
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percentage
continuously
increased from 1960 to 2040 with a slight dip in 1990 and 2020. In the states, the
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percentage
stayed almost steady at about 15% from the year of 1980 to 2020.

From an
overall
observation, western countries
namely
Sweden and the U. S. A. held greater proportion of elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at the age of 65 and
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over
from 1960 to 2030.
Nevertheless
,
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over
the period of a decade between 2030 and 2040, Japan is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to have the greatest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of senior citizens among these three countries.
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IELTS academic the proportion of Japanese, Swedish and American citizens at the age of 65 and over, over the period of a century between the year of 1940 and 2040.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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