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the proportion of civilian staying in Australia who came from various parts of the world including the United Kingdom, Asia, and other regions between 1976 and 2011.

the proportion of civilian staying in Australia who came from various parts of the world including the United Kingdom, Asia, and other regions between 1976 and 2011. WEJXN
The given chart depicts the average cost of monthly contract for four different mobiles in a European country over the nine month period from January to September 2002. At the first glance, there was an upward trend in the cost of the four services, especially Alpha, which has been skyrocketed since June, while Sim TX experienced a slight decrease. Domo started with the price of 15 euro – the highest among the four cell phones, followed by Lex, Sim TX, and Alpha, which was the cheapest with only 5 euro. From January to June, all mobile fluctuated around their starting prices, except for Domo. From April to August, it gradually increased to around 25 euro, left other mobiles behind and remained its lead. At least until September as Alpha has been rapidly risen since June and finally dethroned Domo from its leading spot. Since June, Lex also went through an increment, but not as aggressive as Alpha, ended up at 18 euro. Unlike others, after had reached the peak in June with the value of nearly 15 euro, Sim TX dropped back to about its starting price of nearly 10 euro.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart depicts the average cost of monthly contract for four
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mobiles in a European country over the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "nine-month"
nine month
period from January to September 2002. At the
first
glance, there was an upward trend in the cost of the four services,
especially
Alpha, which has
been skyrocketed
since June, while Sim TX experienced a slight decrease.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Domo
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with the price of 15
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the highest among the four cell phones, followed by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lex
, Sim TX, and Alpha, which was the cheapest with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
. From January to June, all mobile fluctuated around their starting prices,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Domo
. From April to August, it
gradually
increased to around 25
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
other mobiles behind and remained its lead. At least until September as Alpha has been
rapidly
risen since June and
finally
dethroned
Possible spelling mistake found.
Domo
from its leading spot. Since June,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lex
also
went through an increment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as aggressive as Alpha, ended up at 18
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
. Unlike others, after had reached the peak in June with the value of
nearly
15
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
, Sim TX dropped back to about its starting price of
nearly
10
Possible agreement error. The noun 'euro' seems to be countable, so consider using: "euros".
euro
.
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IELTS academic the proportion of civilian staying in Australia who came from various parts of the world including the United Kingdom, Asia, and other regions between 1976 and 2011.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
191 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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