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Top medal winners of all time and medal won in all Olympics

Top medal winners of all time and medal won in all Olympics PMmeX
The provided line graph indicates a number of selected countries having achieved the most medals in all Olympics. In contrast, the presented table depicts 5 successful athletes in swimming, Gymnastics, and Biathlon based on their origins. A glance at the data reveals that the USA and then USSR having stood at the first rank compare to Italy with fewer rewards. The USA, being the first medal leader with up to 2500 ones, is where the winner of swimming is from. In addition, USSR has 3 top athletes in Gymnastics moreover to its second rank in total medal numbers up to 1000 ones. Norway is also known for its top winner in Biathlon. but the proportion of Italy in Olympic medals is much fewer than other shown countries in the graph. to sum up, all the shown areas have gained rewards but the USA and USSR have the highest rank specially in swimming and Gymnastics
The provided line graph indicates a number of selected countries having achieved the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
in all Olympics.
In contrast
, the presented table depicts 5 successful athletes in swimming, Gymnastics, and Biathlon based on their origins. A glance at the data reveals that the USA and then USSR having stood at the
first
rank compare to Italy with fewer rewards. The USA, being the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medal
leader with up to 2500 ones, is where the winner of swimming is from.
In addition
, USSR has 3 top athletes in Gymnastics
moreover
to its second rank in total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medal
numbers up to 1000 ones. Norway is
also
known for its top winner in Biathlon.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
the proportion of Italy in Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
is much fewer than other shown countries in the graph.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
sum up, all the shown areas have gained rewards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the USA and USSR have the highest rank
specially
in swimming and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Gymnastics
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IELTS academic Top medal winners of all time and medal won in all Olympics

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
153 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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