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why students in different age groups study and how they are supported by the employers

why students in different age groups study and how they are supported by the employers o8AaK
The charts below demonstrate why students in different age groups study and how they are supported by the employers. Overall, as the age of groups become older, the intention of learning for career decreased by ages and learning for interest is opposed. For groups that above 30 years old, the time and fees support from employer are lower than the below 30 groups’. At the first glance, we can easily see that under 26 student have the highest intension in learning for career, at 80, in contrast with the one that learn for interest at the lowest at 10. The statistics for career’s study started to plummet about 10 to 20 units as the groups get older, stopped at over 49 group at the lowest number of nearly 20 units while interest purposes start to rise at the lowest figure of under 26 students and have the highest at 70 as the oldest group possess. As the young age come, the time off and helps that students who is under 26 have the highest at nearly 70 units while 30-39 age group have the least with just over 30 units. 40-49 age groups and over 49 do not have a high number as under 26 have, just nearly 40 and 50, respectively.
The charts below demonstrate why
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students
in
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different
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age
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groups
study and how they
are supported
by the employers.
Overall
, as the
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age
of
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groups
become older, the intention of learning for career decreased by
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ages
and learning for interest
is opposed
. For
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groups
that above 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the time and fees support from employer are lower than the below 30 groups’.

At the
first
glance, we can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that under 26
Possible agreement error. The noun 'student' seems to be countable, so consider using: "students".
student
have the highest
Possible spelling mistake found.
intension
in learning for career, at 80,
in contrast
with the one that learn for interest at the lowest at 10. The statistics for career’s study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to plummet about 10 to 20
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units
as the
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groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
at over 49
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group
at the lowest number of
nearly
20
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units
while interest purposes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to rise at the lowest figure of under 26
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students
and have the highest at 70 as the oldest
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group
possess.

As the young
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age
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come
, the time off and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
that
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students
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'students' should be used.
is
under 26 have the highest at
nearly
70
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units
while 30-39
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
have the least with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
units
. 40-49
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and over 49 do not have a high number as under 26 have,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
nearly
40 and 50,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic why students in different age groups study and how they are supported by the employers

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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