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The process of Pu-erh Raw Tea and Ripe Tea

The diagram illustrate the manufacturing process of two type of tea, Pu-erh Raw Tea and Pu-erh Ripe Tea. Although, the first three stages were similar for both teas, the following stages are different which lead two different type. First, the tea leaves are pan fried in order to inactivate the enzymes. Following this, the tea leaves rolled and distributed in special circular plate to allow them dry under the sun lights. After that, when it has been totally dried,  the teas are  ready to go for the next stage to produce the two different teas. To make the Pu-erh ripe Tea the loose raw tes is fermented by mold before they compressed to generate finally Pu-erh Ripe which is ready now for sale. Regarding to the other type the Pu-erh raw aged by storage before totally converted to final shape of vinger Pu-erh Raw Tea and also ready to being purchase in the market.
The diagram
illustrate
the manufacturing process of two type of
tea
,
Pu-erh
Raw
Tea
and
Pu-erh
Ripe
Tea
. Although, the
first
three stages were similar for both
teas
, the following stages are
different
which lead two
different
type.
First
, the
tea
leaves
are pan fried in order to inactivate the enzymes. Following this, the
tea
leaves
rolled and distributed in special circular plate to
allow
them dry under the sun lights. After that, when it has been
totally
dried,
 
the
teas
are
 
ready to go for the
next
stage to produce the two
different
teas
. To
make
the
Pu-erh
ripe Tea the loose
raw
tes
is fermented
by mold
before
they compressed to generate 
finally
Pu-erh
Ripe which is ready 
now
 for sale.
Regarding to
the other type the
Pu-erh
raw
aged by storage
before
totally
converted to final shape of
vinger
Pu-erh
Raw
Tea
and
also
ready to being
purchase
in the market.
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IELTS academic The process of Pu-erh Raw Tea and Ripe Tea

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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