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The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European Countries from 2011 to 2015

The bar chart provide information about the percentage of divorce in Finland and Sweden between 2011 and 2015. Overall, it can be seen that Sweden experienced downward trend, while Finland showed a upward trend over the period as a whole. Both countries divorce rates had some fluctuations. Although Finland initially had a lower rate, it outraced Sweden at the end of the period. Sweden divorce rate was about 45% in 2011, being higher than Finland rate by approximately 8%. Then, it rose to almost 50%i 2012. However, the figure showed a gradual decrease to about 47% in 2013, and continue to decline steadily to the end of the period, to hitting the low point of about 37% in 2015. Turning to the percentage of divorces in Finland which is was less than 40% in 2011, and it decrease in 2012 to almost 32%  which is lower than Sweden by approximately 16%. However, the figure witnessed a constant growth during the next two years. Then, there was a minimal increase to nearly 39%in 2013, followed by 3% rose in 2014 and remained steady for the next year, and  overcome the rate of Sweden.
The bar chart provide information about the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
in Finland and Sweden between 2011 and 2015.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Sweden experienced downward trend, while Finland
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend over the period as a whole. Both countries
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divorce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuations. Although Finland
initially
had a lower
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rate
, it outraced Sweden at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. Sweden
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divorce
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rate
was about 45% in 2011, being higher than Finland
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
by approximately 8%. Then, it rose to almost 50%i 2012.
However
, the figure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual decrease to about 47% in 2013, and continue to decline
steadily
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, to hitting the low point of about 37% in 2015. Turning to the percentage of
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divorces
in Finland which
Did you mean "it"?
is
Consider using a past participle here: "been".
was
less than 40% in 2011, and it
Did you mean "decreases"?
decrease
 in 2012 to almost 32%
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
which is lower than Sweden by approximately 16%.
However
, the figure witnessed a constant growth during the
next
two years. Then, there was a minimal increase to
nearly
39%in 2013, followed by 3% rose in 2014 and remained steady for the
next
year, and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
overcome the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of Sweden.
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IELTS academic The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European Countries from 2011 to 2015

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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