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the chat and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.

The bar chart shows the gender distribution in Olympics from 1924 to 2012 and line chart illustrates number of athletes that competes in Olympic in the same years. In all years males outnumbered females and 1924 has the largest gap with 3000 males against lower than 100 females. 2012 has the most present of females in Olympics with more than 4500 participation. As shown in line chart, number of athletes grown sharply from approximately 3000 participates to more than 10000 presence in these years. In summary, after approximately 100 years, presence in Olympic has become more than previous and female have more encourage to participate in this international competition.
The bar chart
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shows
the gender distribution in Olympics from 1924 to 2012 and line chart illustrates number of athletes that competes in Olympic in the same years. In all years males outnumbered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and 1924 has the largest gap with 3000 males against lower than 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. 2012 has the most present of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in Olympics with more than 4500 participation. As shown in line chart, number of athletes grown
sharply
from approximately 3000 participates to more than 10000 presence in these years. In summary, after approximately 100 years, presence in Olympic has become more than previous and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
have more encourage
Did you mean "participating"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'encourage' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to participate
in this international competition.
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IELTS academic the chat and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
109 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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