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The process of metal rod production

The process of metal rod production XloDP
The diagram provided depicts the process of steel rod production in the furniture industry. Overall, the process consists of 11 stages, beginning with the collection of the raw material and ending up with the inspection of steel rods. First of all, raw material, including iron ore, yellow ore, and carbon is collected for the process. Next up, the raw material gets melted in the melting slit with the heat temperature range of 1300 to 1500 degree Celsius. Subsequently, melted material undergoes refinement in a smelting cabin. In the next stage of the process, refined material is poured into ingots with the help of pouring machine. Those ingots are connected to a cooling reservoir, where metal is turned into strand casts by going through nozzles after cooling down at the temperature range of 60 to 100 degrees Celsius. After that, cooled metal strands are rolled with the rollers. At the next stage, rolled metal strands undergo heat treatment within the heating machine. After the treatment, the strands are transferred for the surface check. Following, the rods are sized with the cutter. Moreover, the sized rods are stamped with an ID tag as a next step. Ultimately, inspection has been operated on the rods at the last stage of the process.
The diagram provided depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of steel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rod
production in the furniture industry.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
consists of 11
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stages
, beginning with the collection of the raw
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material
and ending up with the inspection of steel rods.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
, including iron ore, yellow ore, and carbon
is collected
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Next
up, the raw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
melted in the melting slit with the heat temperature range of 1300 to 1500 degree Celsius.
Subsequently
, melted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
undergoes refinement in a smelting cabin. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
, refined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
is poured
into ingots with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of pouring machine. Those ingots
are connected
to a cooling reservoir, where metal
is turned
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strand
casts by going through nozzles after cooling down at the temperature range of 60 to 100 degrees Celsius. After that, cooled metal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strands
are rolled
with the rollers.

At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, rolled metal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strands
undergo heat treatment within the heating machine. After the treatment, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strands
are transferred
for the surface
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
. Following, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rods
are sized
with the cutter.
Moreover
, the sized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rods
are stamped
with an ID tag as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
step.
Ultimately
, inspection has
been operated
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rods
at the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
.
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IELTS academic The process of metal rod production

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
209 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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