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the chart shows popularity of four names that were given to newborn babies in United states from 1920 to 2010

the chart shows popularity of four names that were given to newborn babies in United states from 1920 to 2010 0lBaG
The given chart reveals the trending 4names given bye guardians to their newborn babies in the middle of 90years from 1920 to 2010 in united states. Overall, the chart indicate that there were greater fluctuation in newborn names. Firstly, the name mac is the most favourable name in 1920 era it was about 37, 000 name of infants. Mac name rose up to 40, 000 of infants. It slowly dropped down to 2, 000 name in 2010 it deminised totally. Secondly, the name john it was nearly 28, 000 newborns name. similarly it also fell off in the year 2010 about 5, 000 neonates name. Thirdly the name George it was not popular in 1920 it was around 6, 000 newborn babies name. later the name George rapidly increased to 30, 000 babies name in the year 1980. Where as it slightly reduced to 28, 000 babies name in 2010. Finally, the name Steve it was not well known in 1920 were it was about 2000 newborn babies name. gradually it swollen up to 20, 000 infants name in 1970 but it declined to 15, 000 babies name in 1990. Where as in 2010 the name steve shoot up to 17, 000 babies name. To summarise, it conveys that the newborn babies named George and steve were the most popular and trendy name compare to mac and john it lost their attraction in united state.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chart reveals the trending
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4names
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bye guardians to their newborn
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babies
in the middle of 90years from 1920 to 2010 in
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
united states
.
Overall
, the chart indicate that there were greater fluctuation in newborn
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names
.
Firstly
, the
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name
mac is the most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
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name
in 1920 era it was about 37, 000
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name
of infants. Mac
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name
rose up to 40, 000 of infants. It
slowly
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
to 2, 000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'name' seems to be countable, so consider using: "names".
name
in 2010 it
Possible spelling mistake found.
deminised
totally
.
Secondly
, the
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name
john it was
nearly
28, 000 newborns
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name
.
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similarly
it
also
fell off in the year 2010 about 5, 000 neonates
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name
.
Thirdly
the
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name
George it was not popular in 1920 it was around 6, 000 newborn
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babies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
later
the
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name
George
rapidly
increased to 30, 000
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babies
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name
in the year 1980.
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Where as
it
slightly
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reduced
to 28, 000
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babies
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name
in 2010.
Finally
, the
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name
Steve it was not well known in 1920 were it was about 2000 newborn
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babies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
name
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
gradually
it
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swollen
up to 20, 000 infants
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name
in 1970
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but
it declined to 15, 000
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babies
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name
in 1990.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
in 2010 the
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name
Possible spelling mistake found.
steve
shoot up to 17, 000
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babies
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name
. To
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summarise
, it conveys that the newborn
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babies
named George and
Possible spelling mistake found.
steve
were the most popular and trendy
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name
compare to mac and john it lost their attraction in united state.
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IELTS academic the chart shows popularity of four names that were given to newborn babies in United states from 1920 to 2010

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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