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The presented column graphs depict what graduates of a university's business and engineering majors were doing six months after graduation in two separate years.

The presented column graphs depict what graduates of a university's business and engineering majors were doing six months after graduation in two separate years. M5x9
The presented column graphs depict what graduates of a university's business and engineering majors were doing six months after graduation in two separate years. A quick look at the graphs shows that after six months, the vast majority of those graduates were working, with the engineering alumni having a slightly higher percentage. As shown in the graph, more than six out of ten business graduates from this university began working within six months of graduation in years one and two, while the number of employed engineers was about 75% at the time. In both years, more business graduates continued their education than engineering graduates, with a 15 percent difference between the two classes. Furthermore, a higher proportion of business graduates took time off, about 8% to be exact, than engineering graduates, who accounted for approximately 2% to 3% of this group. Finally, approximately one out of every ten engineering graduates was looking for work, which was more than double the proportion of business graduates looking for work. Surprisingly, in the second year, a slightly higher percentage of both groups had jobs and a slightly lower percentage were enrolled in additional studies than in the first year.
The presented column graphs depict what
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graduates
of a university's
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business
and
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engineering
majors were doing six months after graduation in two separate years. A quick look at the graphs
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shows
that after six months, the vast majority of those
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graduates
were working, with the
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engineering
alumni having a
slightly
higher percentage.

As shown in the graph, more than six out of ten
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business
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graduates
from this university began working within six months of graduation in years one and two, while the number of employed engineers was about 75% at the time. In both years, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
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graduates
continued their education than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, with a 15 percent difference between the two classes.
Furthermore
, a higher proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
took time off, about 8% to be exact, than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
, who accounted for approximately 2% to 3% of this group.
Finally
, approximately one out of every ten
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engineering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
was looking for work, which was more than double the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
looking for work.
Surprisingly
, in the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, a
slightly
higher percentage of both groups had jobs and a
slightly
lower percentage
were enrolled
in additional studies than in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic The presented column graphs depict what graduates of a university's business and engineering majors were doing six months after graduation in two separate years.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
196 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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