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The histogram illustrates what the history and engineering alumnus of specific high study centers were doing in half year after leaving university.

The histogram illustrates what the history and engineering alumnus of specific high study centers were doing in half year after leaving university. 8PNP
The histogram illustrates what the history and engineering alumnus of specific high study centers were doing in half year after leaving university. Totally it contains one biennium. At both charts employed graduates of two sciences are all have higher percentage than other ones. But we can see that engineering graduates little bit more than historians. In comparison of second part of histogram we can know that history graduation needs long time of continuous studying. Also historians who still do not have a job are lesser than engineers after graduation. In comparison of two year period we can see increase in employing.
The histogram illustrates what the history and engineering alumnus of specific high study centers were doing in half year after leaving university.
Totally
it contains one biennium.

At both charts employed graduates of two sciences are all have higher percentage than other ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that engineering graduates
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
more than historians. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
comparison
of second part of histogram we can know that history graduation needs long time of continuous studying.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
historians who
still
do not have a job are lesser than engineers after graduation.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
comparison
of
It seems that a hyphen is missing.
two year
period we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
increase in employing.

IELTS academic The histogram illustrates what the history and engineering alumnus of specific high study centers were doing in half year after leaving university.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
101 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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