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The presented chart compared the number of people having heart attacks per year in the USA with respect to their age groups and genders. We can see that the tendency of males to have a heart attack is higher than that of females in all age groups.

The presented chart compared the number of people having heart attacks per year in the USA with respect to their age groups and genders. We can see that the tendency of males to have a heart attack is higher than that of females in all age groups. obweg
The presented chart compared the number of people having heart attacks per year in the USA with respect to their age groups and genders. We can see that the tendency of males to have a heart attack is higher than that of females in all age groups. At the first glance, it is clear that the young age group which involves people aged from 29 to 44 had the lowest rate of heart attacks per year in the USA. On average, 123 thousand men and 3 thousand women had heart attacks every year. On the other hand, the number of heart attack at the 45 to 64 age was higher than that in both men and women. In details, the amount of cardiac attacks was 424 thousand in men and 136 thousand in women. The oldest age group constituted the highest rates of heart attacks. Heart attacks among males were averaged as 440 thousand whereas female hear attacks were 374 thousand per year. In summary, men was at a greater risk of having heart attacks in all age groups and the risk increases for both men and women after the age of 65.
The presented chart compared the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
having
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heart
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attacks
per
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year
in the USA with respect to their
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age
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groups
and genders. We can
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see
that the tendency of males to have a
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heart
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attack
is higher than that of females in all
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age
groups.

At the
first
glance, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the young
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age
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group
which involves
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people
aged from 29 to 44 had the lowest rate of
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heart
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attacks
per
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year
in the USA. On average, 123 thousand
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men
and 3 thousand
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women
had
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heart
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attacks
every
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year
.
On the other hand
, the number of
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heart
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attack
at the 45 to 64
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age
was higher than that in both
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men
and
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women
. In
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details
, the amount of cardiac
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attacks
was 424 thousand in
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men
and 136 thousand in
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women
. The oldest
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age
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group
constituted the highest rates of
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heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attacks
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Heart
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attacks
among males
were averaged
as 440 thousand whereas female
Did you mean "heart" (=muscular organ)?
hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attacks
were 374 thousand per
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year
. In summary,
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men
was at a greater
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risk
of having
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heart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attacks
in all
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
increases for both
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men
and
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women
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65.
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IELTS academic The presented chart compared the number of people having heart attacks per year in the USA with respect to their age groups and genders. We can see that the tendency of males to have a heart attack is higher than that of females in all age groups.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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