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the porportion of UAE government expenditure on differen categories in 2000

the porportion of UAE government expenditure on differen categories in 2000 6amm3
The pie chart shows the porportion of UAE government expenditure of different categories in 2000. By the first look at the chart, it can be seen that the vast majority of their budget was spent on providing safety for their residents. The next two largest items on which the government mostly spent money, are also for the services that were directed to local people, including actions done for healthy issues and educating individuals, by AED 53 and 38 billion respectively. On the other hand, UAE authorities spent a small proportion of their budget, by about AED 9 billion, on plans concerning transport. Additionally, they dedicated only AED 13 billion of the annual budget to industry, agriculture and employment which are three factors that may help a country to improve. In conclusion, in this year the UAE government decided to devote a huge part of its budget to convenience of the country for citizens, such as making cities more secure or provide them with more medical services.
The pie chart
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shows
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
porportion
of UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
expenditure of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories in 2000. By the
first
look at the chart, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the vast majority of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
was spent
on providing safety for their residents. The
next
two largest items on which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
mostly
spent money, are
also
for the services that
were directed
to local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, including actions done for healthy issues and educating individuals, by AED 53 and 38 billion
respectively
.
On the other hand
, UAE authorities spent a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
, by about AED 9 billion, on plans concerning transport.
Additionally
, they dedicated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
AED 13 billion of the annual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
to industry, agriculture and employment which are three factors that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a country to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
In conclusion
, in this year the UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
decided to devote a huge part of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
to convenience of the country for citizens, such as making cities more secure or provide them with more medical services.
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IELTS academic the porportion of UAE government expenditure on differen categories in 2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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