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Number of trips made by school children in one country.

Number of trips made by school children in one country. Ew75Q
The provided bar graph represent the information about several trips made by school children and using different modes of transport in particular nation in two different years 1990 and 2010. Overall, maximum number of children preferred to walk while trip in the year of 1990. However, after two decades a large proportion of students used car for travelling. On analysing the bar chart, it becomes lucid that in 1990, 4% students like to do travel by car. Moreover, more than 12% school children preferred to walk during the trip. During the same year, near about 6% pupils used bus and cycles for trip. It is interesting to note that after 20 years, car passengers increased from 4% to 11%. In spite of this, children also used cycles and bus for trip and its proportion were 2% and 5% respectively. Furthermore, 3% students went on trip by walking and bus.
The provided bar graph represent the information about several
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trips
made by school
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children
and using
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different
modes of transport
in particular
nation in two
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different
years 1990 and 2010.

Overall
, maximum number of
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children
preferred to walk while
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trip
in the
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year
of 1990.
However
, after two decades a large proportion of students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
car for travelling.

On
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the bar chart, it becomes lucid that in 1990, 4% students like to do travel by car.
Moreover
, more than 12% school
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children
preferred to walk during the
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trip
. During the same
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year
, near about 6% pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
bus and cycles for
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trip
. It is interesting to note that after 20 years, car passengers increased from 4% to 11%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this,
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children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
cycles and bus for
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trip
and its proportion were 2% and 5%
respectively
.
Furthermore
, 3% students went on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trip
by walking and bus.

IELTS academic Number of trips made by school children in one country.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
149 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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