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the number of males and females enrolled in further education in Britain over three periods

the number of males and females enrolled in further education in Britain over three periods yx7Br
The bar chart shows the number of males and females enrolled in further education in Britain over three periods. It shows whether they were studying full-time or part-time. From the chart we can see that the number of men and women studying in part-time mode were far higher rather than those studying in full time mode. The number of men and women studying in both modes were relatively similar but there was a significant increase in the number of women studying in part-time mode from year of 1980 to 1991. For the full-time education, the number of male students studying in 1970 to 1980 was increasing and the amount in 1970 was doubled in 1990. It was from around 100, 000 in 1970 to around 200, 000 in 1990. From the chart we can see that the escalation was quite consistent. While there was a quite consistent increase of the number of male students from year 1970 to 1990, the growth of female students was less consistent although it was basically increasing. It was rising sharply from year 1970 to 1980 that it reached near 200, 000 students; whereas, in 1970 the number of female students was around 50, 000. The second decade, from 1980 to 1990, the growth was not significant and it has the same number as the total of male students in the same year. The number of men engaged in the part-time education was dropping over the first decade, from around 1000, 000 to near 850, 000. In the next decade it slightly escalated to around 900, 000. While the total men students enrolled in part-time education was fluctuated, the constant step-up happened to the amount of women studying in part-time mode. Generally from 1970 to 1990 the number is increasing but the important rise happened from 1980 to 1990 where the number of women studying in this mode is rising from nearly 800, 000 to above one million in 1990.
The bar chart
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shows
the
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number
of
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males
and females enrolled in
further
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education
in Britain over three periods. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
whether they were
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studying
full-time or part-time.

From the chart we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
were far higher
rather
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in full time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
. The
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in both
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modes
were
relatively
similar
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a significant increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
from year of 1980 to 1991.

For the full-time
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education
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in 1970 to 1980 was increasing and the amount in 1970
was doubled
in 1990. It was from
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around
100, 000 in 1970 to
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around
200, 000 in 1990. From the chart we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the escalation was quite consistent. While there was a quite consistent increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from year 1970 to 1990, the growth of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was less consistent although it was
basically
increasing. It was rising
sharply
from year 1970 to 1980 that it reached near 200, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
; whereas, in 1970 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
was
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around
50, 000. The second decade, from 1980 to 1990, the growth was not significant and it has the same
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number
as the total of male
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students
in the same year.

The
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
engaged in the part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was dropping over the
first
decade, from
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around
1000, 000 to near 850, 000. In the
next
decade it
slightly
escalated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
900, 000. While the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was fluctuated
, the constant step-up happened to the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
.
Generally
from 1970 to 1990 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
is increasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
rise happened from 1980 to 1990 where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mode
is rising from
nearly
800, 000 to above one million in 1990.
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IELTS academic the number of males and females enrolled in further education in Britain over three periods

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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