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The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate. 78pA
The pie charts illustrates that the boys and girls take a part in culture and leisure activities. That outcomes of a survey details of children's activities given. The most preferable chose of boys were computer games, which was just over one third of all sum. while, one fifth the second major preferable boys were play basketball. soccer and skateboarding were 17% and 11% respectively preferable activitie in boys. Listening to music were equal chosable in both boys and girls activitie around 10%. In girls side, Dancing were the most taken a part in around 27%, with following reading, 21% girls chose to do in leisure times. While girls playing computer games nearly half of the boys value around 18%. Gymanstic and Netball was just under one fifth of the sum. Overall, Listening of music was comman activities in boys and girls while, computer games were highly perfer by boys and dancing by girls.
The pie charts illustrates that the
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boys
and
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girls
take a part in culture and leisure
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activities
. That outcomes of a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of children's
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activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

The most preferable chose of
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boys
were computer games, which was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over one third of all sum.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
, one fifth the second major preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
were play basketball.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
soccer
and skateboarding were 17% and 11%
respectively
preferable
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitie
in
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boys
. Listening to music were equal
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chosable
in both
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boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
Possible spelling mistake found.
activitie
around 10%.

In
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girls
side, Dancing were the most taken a part in around 27%, with following reading, 21%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
chose to do in leisure times.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
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girls
playing computer games
nearly
half of the
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boys
value around 18%.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gymanstic
and Netball was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under one fifth of the sum.

Overall
, Listening of music was
Possible spelling mistake found.
comman
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
while, computer games were
highly
Possible spelling mistake found.
perfer
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
and dancing by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
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IELTS academic The pie graphs below show the result of a survey of children's activities. The first graph shows the cultural and leisure activities that boys participate in, whereas the second graph shows the activities in which the girls participate.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
153 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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