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The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000. Y9xj
The graph represents the birth rates between China and the USA during the period from 1920 to 2000. The rate of birth has fluctuated wildly. The birth rate in China grew around 10 percent in 1920 and 15 percent in 1935. The rate dropped by 10 percent between 1935 to 1940. Then it has been stable around for 5 years. Increasing dramatically by 5 to 20 percent from 1945 to 1950. Approximately in 1955, china's rate fell around 10 percent. Finally, it has had a decrease slightly rate from 1955 to 2000. IN the US, at the same time, the fertility rates rose and fell around 11 to 12 percent over the period from 1920 to 1940. it has declined by almost 8 percent in 1945. The US' birth rates have soared around 10 percent since 1950. it has had a downward trend from 1955 to 2000. Hence, in spite of the fact that the birth rates of the USA have been more than China but the fertility rates of both countries are similar to each other nearly.
The graph represents the
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birth
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rates
between China and the USA during the period from 1920 to 2000. The
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rate
of
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birth
has fluctuated
wildly
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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birth
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rate
in China grew
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around
10
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percent
in 1920 and 15
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percent
in 1935.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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rate
dropped by 10
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percent
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1935 and 1940".
between 1935 to 1940
. Then it has been stable
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around
for 5 years. Increasing
dramatically
by 5 to 20
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percent
from 1945 to 1950. Approximately in 1955, china's
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rate
fell
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around
10
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percent
.
Finally
, it has had a decrease
slightly
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rate
from 1955 to 2000.

IN the US, at the same time, the fertility
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rates
rose and fell
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around
11 to 12
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percent
over the period from 1920 to 1940.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
has declined by almost 8
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percent
in 1945. The US'
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birth
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rates
have soared
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around
10
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percent
since 1950.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
has had a downward trend from 1955 to 2000.

Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that the
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birth
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rates
of the USA have been more than China
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the fertility
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rates
of both countries are similar to each other
nearly
.

IELTS academic The graph below compares changes in the birth rates of China and the USA between 1920 and 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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