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The pie charts give information about the different reasons for choosing Universisty of Sydney in 2020.

The pie charts give information about the different reasons for choosing Universisty of Sydney in 2020. MBG0q
The pie charts compare the different proportion betwen two age group namely students aged from 18 to 24 and students aged over 25 in reason of choosing university of Syney in 2000. Overall, it can be seen that close to home is the top choice for all students, the other categories show the significant difference in two age groups. First of all, the propotion of students enetering university because of being close to their home was 36%, which was the highest in two pie chart. Meanwhile, course offered is the second reason given by students belonging to the 18 to 24 and the over 25 age group with 35% and 24% respectively. Additionally, reason for reputation of teaching staff in 18-to24-year olds was six time smaller than over 25-year olds with 2% while that for related to industry was five times smaller. The percentage of 18-to 24-year-old students choosing for university on account of opportunities to study abroad as part of course was nearly one tenth, which is significantly higher than that of over student aged over 25. Similarly, maturity groups between 18 and 24 giving reason for related to industry comprised of 4% and experienced a fourfold in the age group over 25.
The pie charts compare the
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different
proportion
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betwen
two
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age
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group
namely
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students
aged from 18 to 24 and
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students
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25 in
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reason
of choosing university of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Syney
in 2000.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that close to home is the top choice for all
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students
, the other categories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the significant difference in two
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age
groups.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
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propotion
of
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students
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enetering
university
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because
of being close to their home was 36%, which was the highest in two pie
Possible agreement error. The noun 'chart' seems to be countable, so consider using: "charts".
chart
. Meanwhile, course offered is the second
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reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by
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students
belonging to the 18 to 24 and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25
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age
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group
with 35% and 24%
respectively
.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for reputation of teaching staff in 18-to24-year olds was six time smaller than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25-year olds with 2% while that for related to industry was five times smaller. The percentage of 18-to 24-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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students
choosing for university on account of opportunities to study abroad as part
of course
was
nearly
one tenth, which is
significantly
higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25.
Similarly
, maturity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
between 18 and 24 giving
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reason
for related to industry comprised of 4% and experienced a fourfold in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
25.
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IELTS academic The pie charts give information about the different reasons for choosing Universisty of Sydney in 2020.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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