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The pie charts compare the main reasons for travelling to and from the UK in 2007.

The pie charts compare the main reasons for travelling to and from the UK in 2007. 5aObD
Overall, the survey found that definite job was the primary reason for moving to and outside the UK in 2007. More interestingly, there were relatively the same number of immigrants and emigrants for the reasons of accompaniment and other. Substantially more people in the emigration category chose not to disclose the purpose of their travel than immigrants to Britain. The survey showed that there were virtually as many people moving to the UK as the ones moving abroad with a job invitation in 2007, with corresponding figures standing at 30% and 29%. In the same year, however, 10% more British went travelling outside the country looking for a job than immigrants coming into the country (12%). Around a sixth of people travelling to and from the country stated accompanying a relative or a friend to be the main purpose of their visit. Furthermore, about a quarter of immigrants were reported to have visited the UK to pursue a degree in stark comparison with 4% British going abroad for the same reason. While three times as many UK emigrants did not state any reason for travel as immigrants (18% and 6%), roughly 13 % of the people in both categories travelled abroad for other reasons.
Overall
, the survey found that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
job was the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for moving to and outside the UK in 2007. More
interestingly
, there were
relatively
the same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
and emigrants for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of accompaniment and other.
Substantially
more
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people
in the emigration category chose not to disclose the purpose of their travel than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to Britain.

The survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there were
virtually
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
moving to the UK as the ones moving abroad with a job invitation in 2007, with corresponding figures standing at 30% and 29%. In the same year,
however
, 10% more British went travelling outside the country looking for a job than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
coming into the country (12%). Around a sixth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
travelling to and from the country stated accompanying a relative or a friend to be the main purpose of their visit.

Furthermore
, about a quarter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
were reported
to have visited the UK to pursue a degree in stark comparison with 4% British going abroad for the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
. While three times as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
UK emigrants did not state any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for travel as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
(18% and 6%), roughly 13 % of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in both categories travelled abroad for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.

IELTS academic The pie charts compare the main reasons for travelling to and from the UK in 2007.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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