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Young children spend their most of leisure time with smartphones and tables. Is this positive or negative development?

Young children spend their most of leisure time with smartphones and tables. Is this positive or negative development? YwNyj
in recent years, children spend their most of leisure time with smarthphones and technology. From my point of view that is really negative development. First of all, they are losing their humanity, the games they play is generally about violant, hiring guns, killing, fighting. At the young age it can be really hard to seperate the real life and the virtual life. After a while children learn how to become cruel. The second important thing is they're losing their health. In the past playing outside was fun. Taking fresh air, running, walking, playing with friends or stray animals teaches a lot. Today's children just sit on a chair and looking at the same point all day. It is not good for their phschial health and also mental health. For example, looking at the same point is really unhealthy for eyes. The other thing that i can say is they're losing their culture and comminication skills with people. They are not spending enough time with parents or grandparents. So they cant learn their past, their family stories. They are not spending enough time with friends, they cant learn sharing and caring. Theese two thing are the the basic sources of being human. in the first paragraph I told about the negative examples. Of course there is also a positive side. We are living in a technologhy century and technology is still devoloping. Children can adapt esaily to new things beacuse they spend most of their times with tech. It is really important simplicity for them. In conclusion, parents should be careful about the relation between the tech and children. They should teach the true dose of tech to their children. They must control their children's time spent with smarthpones and tablets. In this way, a little positive and negative balance can be achieved.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their most of leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
smarthphones
and technology. From my point of view
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they are losing their humanity, the games they play is
generally
about
Possible spelling mistake found.
violant
, hiring guns, killing, fighting. At the young age it can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
seperate
the real life and the virtual life. After a while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn how to become cruel. The second
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is they're losing their health. In the past playing outside was fun. Taking fresh air, running, walking, playing with friends or stray animals teaches a lot.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit on a chair and looking at the same point all day. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
phschial
health and
also
mental health.
For example
, looking at the same point is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
unhealthy for eyes. The other thing that
Did you mean "I"?
i
can say is they're losing their culture and
Possible spelling mistake found.
comminication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They are not spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with parents or grandparents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
learn their past, their family stories. They are not spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends, they
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
learn sharing and caring.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Theese
two
Possible agreement error. The noun 'thing' seems to be countable, so consider using: "things".
thing
are
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
basic sources of being human.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
the
first
paragraph I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
examples.
Of course
there is
also
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side. We are living in a
Possible spelling mistake found.
technologhy
century and technology is
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
devoloping
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can adapt
Possible spelling mistake found.
esaily
to new things
Possible spelling mistake found.
beacuse
they spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with tech. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
simplicity for them.

In conclusion
, parents should be careful about the relation between the tech and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They should teach the true dose of tech to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control their children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent with
Possible spelling mistake found.
smarthpones
and tablets. In this way, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
balance can
be achieved
.
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IELTS academic Young children spend their most of leisure time with smartphones and tables. Is this positive or negative development?

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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