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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. 3VKb
The pie charts illustrate the statistic information in the year 2003 and 2013 of New Zealand people who are shopping online for many aspects. Overall, it is noticeable that in 2003 the majority of people point out that they prefer online shopping for travel while film and music has a highest percentage of people do so for online sale in 2013. Focusing on the year 2003, 36% of the respondents do online sale for traveling. Furthermore, the number of those who like clothes are approximately one quarter of all the participants. Besides, the number of those who like to buy more film and less books are 21% and 19%, respectively. Turning to the year 2013, one third of all the sample do so for buying film and music. In addition, the respondents who prefer books is 4 percent lower than those who buy movies, which is 29%. Interestingly, only 16% of all the member choose to purchase clothes, which is the lowest sector of this year.
The pie charts illustrate the statistic information in the
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year
2003 and 2013 of New Zealand
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people
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who
are shopping
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online
for
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many
aspects.

Overall
, it is noticeable that in 2003 the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point out that they prefer
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online
shopping for travel while film and music has
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a
highest percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for
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online
sale in 2013.

Focusing on the
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year
2003, 36% of the respondents do
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online
sale for traveling.
Furthermore
, the number of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like clothes are approximately one quarter of all the participants.
Besides
, the number of those
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who
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more film and
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less
books are 21% and 19%,
respectively
.

Turning to the
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year
2013, one third of all the sample do
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so
for buying film and music.
In addition
, the respondents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer books is 4 percent lower than those
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
movies, which is 29%.
Interestingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
16% of all the member choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
clothes, which is the lowest sector of this
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year
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
166 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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