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The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013. 2MBb
The given pie charts illustrate the expenditures in shopping four different retail sectors digitally in New Zealand for two specific year. Overall, it can be clear from the chart that online sales for film and music, as well as books witnessed an increase trend, in contrast to, sales for travel and clothes which had declined between the year 2003 and 2013. In the year 2003, travel sector had contributed the highest percentage in online sales stood at 36%, whereas the shopping sales for books accounted a half of sales to that of travel purpose. In shark contrast with, travel sales had fall down to 29% at the year 2013. Meanwhile, books sales experienced an upward trend which constituted 22% by the end of the year. As far as film/music and clothes are concerned, both of this retail sectors made up over one-fifth in online shopping expenditures in the commencing year. However, these sectors showed a gradual change in their sales, in which clothes retailers was decreased significantly to slight above one in ten. While, film and music represented their sales at 33% in 2013.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts illustrate the expenditures in shopping four
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different
retail
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sectors
digitally
in New Zealand for two specific year.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the chart that online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
for film and music,
as well
as books witnessed an increase trend,
in contrast
to,
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sales
for
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travel
and clothes which had declined between the
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year
2003 and 2013.

In the
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year
2003,
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travel
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sector
had contributed the highest percentage in online
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sales
stood at 36%, whereas the shopping
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sales
for books accounted a half of
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sales
to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
purpose. In shark contrast with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
had fall down to 29% at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2013. Meanwhile, books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
experienced an upward trend which constituted 22% by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the year.

As far as film/music and clothes
are concerned
, both of this retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
made up over one-fifth in online shopping expenditures in the commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
However
, these
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sectors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a gradual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
, in which clothes retailers
was decreased
significantly
to slight above one in ten. While, film and music represented their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
at 33% in 2013.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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