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the pie charts below show the number of hours spent in a british university library

the pie charts below show the number of hours spent in a british university library LrKBK
The pie chart below compares the number of hours which all students, undergraduates and postgraduates spent in a British university library. Overall, there was a big difference in using time of all student categories and per postgraduate used more time than students in two others groups in the library. It is clear that the highest time proportion was postgraduates, whose 51 percent in total spent more than 15 hours in the library whereas the rate using of 1 to 7 hours was very small, only 17%. On the other hand, all students and undergraduates had the opposite pattern. The vast majority of all students and undergraduates spent only 1 to 7 hours in the library with 50% and 63% respectively. While students in these two groups used less time than postgraduates in terms of more than 15 hours with 15% and 9%. This combined number hadn’t been as half as that of postgraduates. There was slightly approximate between all categories on range of 8 to 14 hours, undergraduates had the lowest proportion, which accounted for 28%, followed by 32% of postgraduates and the highest point was all students, which represented 35%.
The pie chart below compares the number of
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hours
which all
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students
,
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undergraduates
and
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postgraduates
spent in a British university library.

Overall
, there was a
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big
difference in using
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time
of all
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student
categories and per
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postgraduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
more
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time
than
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students
in two others groups in the library.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the highest
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time
proportion was
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postgraduates
, whose 51 percent in total spent more than 15
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hours
in the library whereas the rate using of 1 to 7
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hours
was
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very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
,
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only
17%.
On the other hand
, all
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students
and
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undergraduates
had the opposite pattern. The vast majority of all
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students
and
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undergraduates
spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1 to 7
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hours
in the library with 50% and 63%
respectively
. While
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students
in these two groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
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postgraduates
in terms of more than 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
with 15% and 9%. This combined number hadn’t been as half as that of postgraduates.

There was
slightly
approximate between all categories on range of 8 to 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduates
had the lowest proportion, which accounted for 28%, followed by 32% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
postgraduates
and the highest point was all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which represented 35%.
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IELTS academic the pie charts below show the number of hours spent in a british university library

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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