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The pie charts below show the data regarding the time people spend on smartphones and tablets, divided by category.

The pie charts below show the data regarding the time people spend on smartphones and tablets, divided by category. YLkKV
INFORMATION CONCERNING THE DURATION OF TIME SPENT BY SMARTPHONE AND TABLET USERS ACCORDING TO SIX ACTIVITIES IS DEPICTED ON THE GIVEN PIE CHARTS. OVERALL, WHAT IS NOTABLE IS THAT, GAMES AND SOCIAL NETWORKING ARE TWO MOST POPULAR ACTIVITIES AMONG THE GADGET USERS. AS PER THE CHART, GAMES IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LION'S SHARE OF TOTAL TIME SPENT ON SMARTPHONES AND TABLETS, AT 35% AND 57% RESPECTIVELY. MEANWHILE, THE SECOND MOST POPULAR ACTIVTY WHERE BOTH GADGET USERS ALLOCATES MOST OF THEIR SCREEN TIME IS SOCIAL NETWORKING, WITH A RATE OF JUST UNDER TWO-THIRDS FOR THE MOBILE PHONES AND JUST OVER A TENTH FOR OTHER GIZMO. FURTHERMORE, WHEN DURATION OF TIME SPENT ON SMARTPHONES FOR NEWS GATHERING, ENTERTAINMENT AND UTILITIES PURPOSES ACCOUNT FOR A COLLECTIVE RATE OF 31%, THSI FIGURE IS 11% MORE THAN THAT OF COLLECTIVE PROPORTIONS FOR TABLET USERS (20%). FINALLY, THE REMAINING CATEGORY WHICH DOES NOT FIT IN THE FIVE GIVEN CATEGORY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR JUST UNDER A TENTH (5%) AND ALMOST A TENTH (8%) FOR CELLPHONES AND TABLETS, SEQUENTIALLY.
INFORMATION CONCERNING THE DURATION OF
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TIME
SPENT BY SMARTPHONE AND TABLET USERS ACCORDING TO SIX ACTIVITIES
IS DEPICTED
ON THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GIVEN
PIE CHARTS.

OVERALL
, WHAT IS NOTABLE IS THAT, GAMES AND SOCIAL NETWORKING ARE TWO MOST POPULAR ACTIVITIES AMONG THE GADGET USERS.

AS PER THE CHART, GAMES IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LION'S SHARE OF TOTAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
SPENT ON SMARTPHONES AND TABLETS, AT 35% AND 57%
RESPECTIVELY
. MEANWHILE, THE SECOND MOST POPULAR
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ACTIVTY
WHERE BOTH GADGET USERS ALLOCATES MOST OF THEIR SCREEN
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TIME
IS SOCIAL NETWORKING, WITH A RATE OF
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JUST
UNDER TWO-THIRDS FOR THE MOBILE PHONES AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
OVER A TENTH FOR OTHER GIZMO.

FURTHERMORE
, WHEN DURATION OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
TIME
SPENT ON SMARTPHONES FOR NEWS GATHERING, ENTERTAINMENT AND UTILITIES PURPOSES ACCOUNT FOR A COLLECTIVE RATE OF 31%,
Possible spelling mistake found.
THSI
FIGURE IS 11% MORE THAN THAT OF COLLECTIVE PROPORTIONS FOR TABLET USERS (20%).
FINALLY
, THE REMAINING CATEGORY WHICH DOES NOT FIT IN THE FIVE
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GIVEN
CATEGORY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
UNDER A TENTH (5%) AND ALMOST A TENTH (8%) FOR CELLPHONES AND TABLETS,
SEQUENTIALLY
.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below show the data regarding the time people spend on smartphones and tablets, divided by category.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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