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The pie charts below illustrate some common data about electronic games players' age, gender and some kinds of best-selling games in South Korea in through the year 2003.

The pie charts below illustrate some common data about electronic games players' age, gender and some kinds of best-selling games in South Korea in through the year 2003. NVkPy
The pie charts depict the data on the age and gender of the users playing electronic games and the type of electronic games played by the users in Korea in 2003. From an overall perspective, most Korean players were male and had the age from 18 to 35 years old. Interestingly, action games were played most by Korean citizens in 2003. When looking at the age of users, the number of Korean players being from 18 to 35 years old was by far the highest at 42%, followed by the statistics of Korean users having the age under 18 years old and more than 35 years old at 35% and 23%, respectively. Besides that, 72% of players was male, but only 28% was females. Turning to the best-selling electronic games, although 42% of Korean people played action games, 6% chose other electronic games to play. Moreover, the proportion of Korean citizens playing racing game, which constituted 21%, is slightly higher than the percentage of users playing sports game, which was 17%. Interestingly, the similarities exist between the proportions of users playing role-play games and education games, where each of them made up 7%.
The pie charts depict the data on the
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age
and gender of the
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users
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playing
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electronic
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games
and the type of
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electronic
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games
played by the
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users
in Korea in 2003.

From an
overall
perspective, most Korean players were male and had the
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age
from 18 to 35 years
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old
.
Interestingly
, action
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games
were played
most by Korean citizens in 2003.

When looking at the
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age
of
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users
, the number of Korean players being from 18 to 35 years
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old
was by far the highest at 42%, followed by the statistics of Korean
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users
having the
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age
under 18 years
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old
and more than 35 years
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old
at 35% and 23%,
respectively
.
Besides
that, 72% of players was male,
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but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
28% was females.

Turning to the best-selling
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electronic
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games
, although 42% of Korean
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people
played action
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games
, 6% chose other
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electronic
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games
to play.
Moreover
, the proportion of Korean citizens
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playing
racing game, which constituted 21%, is
slightly
higher than the percentage of
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users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports game, which was 17%.
Interestingly
, the similarities exist between the proportions of
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users
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
role-play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and education
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games
, where each of them made up 7%.
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IELTS academic The pie charts below illustrate some common data about electronic games players' age, gender and some kinds of best-selling games in South Korea in through the year 2003.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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