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the graph below shows the reasons for the use of social media by businesses, by size of business in 2012

the graph below shows the reasons for the use of social media by businesses, by size of business in 2012 xgjgw
The bar chart illustrates the various utilizations of internet by varying sized companies in the year 2012. Overall, it is evident from the data that 1000+ employees of the maximum companies were devoted to develop business charts or market products. Whereas, a good number of the companies with 50-249 employees were engaged in obtaining response from the customers and responding to them. It is clear from the data, that 80% of the companies in 2012, with 1000+ employees used internet for the development of business image or market products; although, contributing approximately less than half of it to customers development or innovation of goods. On the other hand, merely 20% of the companies with 10-49 workers use internet for the recruitment purpose. On the contrary, two-fifth of the companies with same number of employees, utilized social networking for developing business image and products. Furthermore, a little more than half of companies with 250-999 employees worked in exchange of views in the year 2012. Additionally, approximately three fourth of them were engaged in obtaining and responding to the customers and their reviews.
The bar chart illustrates the various
Possible spelling mistake found.
utilizations
of internet by varying sized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the year 2012.

Overall
, it is evident from the data that 1000+
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
of the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
were devoted
to develop business charts or market products. Whereas, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with 50-249
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
were engaged
in obtaining response from the customers and responding to them.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the data, that 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in 2012, with 1000+
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
internet for the development of business image or market products; although, contributing approximately less than half of it to customers development or innovation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
On the other hand
,
merely
20% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with 10-49 workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet for the recruitment purpose.
On the contrary
, two-fifth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with same number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, utilized social networking for developing business image and products.

Furthermore
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than half of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with 250-999
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
worked
The usual prepositions to use after "in exchange" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "in exchange for"?
in exchange of
views in the year 2012.
Additionally
, approximately three fourth of them
were engaged
in obtaining and responding to the customers and their reviews.
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IELTS academic the graph below shows the reasons for the use of social media by businesses, by size of business in 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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