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the pie chart show the number of men and women in both full time and part time employment in the uk 1988 and 2012

the pie chart show the number of men and women in both full time and part time employment in the uk 1988 and 2012 1kQ8y
The pie chart provides information about the numbers and proportion of males and females who work in full and part-time employment in the UK between 1988 and 2012. Principally, all the numbers are seen as increased but there were expressive changes in the percentage for each year. It is clearly visible that the rates of employment in UK experienced an upward trend after 24 years. In 1988, women working full-time made up only a small proportion of the total (18, 8%) but in 2012 this increased 7, 2 % and reached to 26%. Not only has the percentage of woman woking full time increased, but also the number of people. This shows that the number of woman working is consistently higher than that of men in both years: 5, 268, 000 and 5, 979, 000 compared with 1, 550, 000and 2, 131, 000. Besides that, although the full time employment rate for man has always been the largest over the year with 12, 539, 000 in 1988 and 13, 794, 000 in 2012, it probably hasn’t changed as much as for women. From 1988 to 2012, the rate of woman contribute in full time job increased from 4, 482, 000 in 1988 to 7, 698, 000 in 2012. In short, apart from female full time work and male part time work, all other figures have decreased. Most notably, man working full time dropped below 50% to 46, 6% in 2012.
The pie chart provides information about the
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numbers
and proportion of males and females who work in
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full
and part-time employment in the UK between 1988 and 2012.

Principally
, all the
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numbers
are
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seen
as
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increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there were expressive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the percentage for each year.

It is
clearly
visible that the rates of employment in UK experienced an upward trend after 24 years. In 1988, women working full-time made up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion of the total (18, 8%)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2012 this
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increased
7, 2 % and reached to 26%. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has the percentage of woman
Possible spelling mistake found.
woking
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full
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time
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increased
,
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but
also
the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
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number
of woman working is
consistently
higher than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in both years: 5, 268, 000 and 5, 979, 000 compared with 1, 550, 000and 2, 131, 000.

Besides
that, although the
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full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
employment rate for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has always been the largest over the year with 12, 539, 000 in 1988 and 13, 794, 000 in 2012, it
probably
hasn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as much as for women. From 1988 to 2012, the rate of woman contribute in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
from 4, 482, 000 in 1988 to 7, 698, 000 in 2012.

In short, apart from female
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full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work and male part
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time
work, all other figures have decreased. Most
notably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
dropped below 50% to 46, 6% in 2012.
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IELTS academic the pie chart show the number of men and women in both full time and part time employment in the uk 1988 and 2012

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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