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the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france

the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france 5a63D
The pie chart given shows the comparison of electricity production in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in 2009. Overall, it can be seen that Germany generated more electricity than conventional thermal methods while France used nuclear energy as the main power source in 2009. With a total electricity generation in Germany of 560 kwh, while France is 50 billion kwh less than Germany generates in the same year. First, in terms of the German percentage chart, 59. 6% of all sources of energy production come from conventional thermal methods, while nuclear sources generate 23% and renewables generate 17. 4% of electricity. Further explained in the classification of renewable sources, it is seen that the most comes from biomass which produces 39. 3% of electricity, followed by wind at 36. 9%. Meanwhile, no power is generated from geothermal sources. On the other hand, France is more dependent on nuclear sources for electricity by 76% and for renewables by 13. 7%. While in renewable energy, hydroelectric power is the most efficient in France at 80. 5%, while the energy produced from diesel is only 10. 5%. Just like in Germany, France is also not dependent on geothermal sources.
The pie chart
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given
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shows
the comparison of
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electricity
production in Germany and France from all
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sources
and
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renewables
in 2009.

Overall
, it can be
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seen
that Germany generated more
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electricity
than conventional thermal methods while France
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used
nuclear
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energy
as the main power
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source
in 2009. With a total
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electricity
generation in Germany of 560
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kwh
, while France is 50 billion
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kwh
less than Germany generates in the same year.

First
, in terms of the German percentage chart, 59. 6% of all
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sources
of
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energy
production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from conventional thermal methods, while nuclear
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sources
generate 23% and
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renewables
generate 17. 4% of
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electricity
.
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Further
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explained
in the classification of
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renewable
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sources
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from biomass which produces 39. 3% of
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electricity
, followed by wind at 36. 9%. Meanwhile, no power
is generated
from geothermal sources.

On the other hand
, France is more dependent on nuclear
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sources
for
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electricity
by 76% and for
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renewables
by 13. 7%. While in
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renewable
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energy
, hydroelectric power is the most efficient in France at 80. 5%, while the
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energy
produced from diesel is
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only
10. 5%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like in Germany, France is
also
not dependent on geothermal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
.
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IELTS academic the pie chart show the electricity generated in Germany and france

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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