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The pie chart below shows the main activities students at a UK university said they would do in their spare time if they were at home alone. The table shows the reasons given for being on the internet.

The pie chart below shows the main activities students at a UK university said they would do in their spare time if they were at home alone. The table shows the reasons given for being on the internet. PW1aj
The pie chart illustrates the major activities pupils at a UK university said they would do in their free time if they stayed at home alone. And the table gives information about why they give for being on the internet. Overview, it is clear that the overwhelming number of students spend almost spare time on the internet, with sixty-five percent. Whereas, they choose to watch videos to enjoy the online activity time. Looking at the pie chart closely, one can see that the percentage of students who listen to music and other methods to let their hair down in their free time is equal. Some people prefer reading books, magazines, etc to get many knowledge and information, news from the society. This proportion accounts for fifteen percent, higher than the proportion of listening to music five percent. Taking time on the internet is the dominant genre teenagers adore. Finally, the percentage of students who like watching videos reaches the highest point, by thirty-five percent. In contrast, reading articles is nearly the lowest method with twelve percent after other things eight percent. Moreover, teenagers are interested in gaming, making up thirty percent, doubling f the number of people finding communicating with others.
The pie chart illustrates the major activities pupils at a UK university said they would do in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
if they stayed at home alone. And the table gives information about why they give for being on the internet.

Overview, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the overwhelming number of students spend almost spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet, with sixty-five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, they choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
videos to enjoy the online activity time.

Looking at the pie chart
closely
, one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the percentage of students who listen to music and other methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their hair down in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is equal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer reading books, magazines, etc to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Possible agreement error. The noun knowledge seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much knowledge", "a good deal of knowledge".
many knowledge
and information, news from the society. This proportion accounts for fifteen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, higher than the proportion of listening to music five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. Taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the internet is the dominant genre
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
adore.

Finally
, the percentage of students who like watching videos reaches the highest point, by thirty-five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
In contrast
, reading articles is
nearly
the lowest method with twelve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
after other things eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are interested
in gaming, making up thirty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, doubling f the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
finding communicating with others.
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IELTS academic The pie chart below shows the main activities students at a UK university said they would do in their spare time if they were at home alone. The table shows the reasons given for being on the internet.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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