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pie charts describe how different pollutants entered a specific segment of

pie charts describe how different pollutants entered a specific segment of 8gkqP
The two pie charts describe how different pollutants entered a specific segment of the ocean, percentage-wise in the years 1997 and 2007. Overall, domestic sewage, offshore oil and air pollutants made up a significant increase in polluting the ocean whereas industrial waste, marine, litre and farm waste exhibited a substantial decline in polluting the part of the ocean. Notably, litre and farm waste had a tie in the beginning as well as domestic sewage and air pollutants at the end of the era. Domestic sewage kicked off at 18% in 1997 then experienced the most significant increase ever recorded in 2007 of almost a third percent. Offshore oil also contributed the biggest part in polluting the segment of the ocean by increasing to 14% in 2007 from 5% in 1997. Air pollutants made up the least increment by 1% by the end of the period. Industrial waste began at 17% and experienced a drastic fall by 8%in 2007. Marine which had contributed to 22% in 1997 dropped to nearly one fith percent in 2007. Apparently, litre had made up the lowest contribution in 1997 and in 2007, it deteriorated to a cipher, percentage-wise. Farm waste which comprised of 4% in 1997 fell to 2% after a 20 years period rendering it the pollutant with the least drop of all time.
The two pie charts
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describe
how
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different
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pollutants
entered a specific segment of the
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ocean
, percentage-wise in the years 1997 and 2007.

Overall
, domestic sewage, offshore oil and air
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pollutants
made up a significant increase in polluting the
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ocean
whereas industrial
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waste
, marine,
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litre
and farm
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waste
exhibited a substantial decline in polluting the part of the
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ocean
.
Notably
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'litre' is British English.
litre
and farm
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waste
had a tie in the beginning
as well
as domestic sewage and air
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pollutants
at the
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end
of the era.

Domestic sewage kicked off at 18% in 1997 then experienced the most significant increase ever recorded in 2007 of almost a third percent. Offshore oil
also
contributed the biggest part in polluting the segment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ocean
by increasing to 14% in 2007 from 5% in 1997. Air
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pollutants
made up the least increment by 1% by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

Industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
began at 17% and experienced a drastic fall by 8%in 2007. Marine which had contributed to 22% in 1997 dropped to
nearly
one
Possible spelling mistake found.
fith
percent in 2007.
Apparently
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'litre' is British English.
litre
had made up the lowest contribution in 1997 and in 2007, it deteriorated to a cipher, percentage-wise. Farm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
Did you mean "which comprised" or "which consisted of" or "which was composed of"?
which comprised of
4% in 1997 fell to 2% after a 20 years period rendering it the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollutant
with the least drop of all time.
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IELTS academic pie charts describe how different pollutants entered a specific segment of

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
220 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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