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The pie chart below show how teenagers in Japan and Australia spent their money in 2019.

The pie chart below show how teenagers in Japan and Australia spent their money in 2019. GrE8j
The given pie charts present the spending by adolescents on various things in two different nations in year of 2019. Overall, it is clear that teenagers in both countries spend the largest amount of their money in video games, food, and clothes, with a big interest in gaming for Japanese and food for Australian ones. Meanwhile the part of money spent on books was lowest in Japan and Australia. However Japan spend 37% on digital games, while food and clothes accounted for 22% and 20% respectively and only 9% money was used to buy books. Whereas Australians are more curious about food items with 37% chunk of money, while electronic games represented 22% of the expanses. In other hand, clothes were the second main interest for Australian teenagers with the quarter of the money. In conclusion, it is clearly visible that people did not pay more on books as Japanese spent 9%, respectively 8% by Australians.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts present the spending by adolescents on various things in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations in year of 2019.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in both countries spend the largest amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in video games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and clothes, with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
interest in gaming for Japanese and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for Australian ones.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
the part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on books was lowest in Japan and Australia.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
Japan spend 37% on digital games, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and clothes accounted for 22% and 20%
respectively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
9%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
books. Whereas Australians are more curious about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items with 37% chunk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, while electronic games represented 22% of the expanses. In other hand, clothes were the second main interest for Australian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
with the quarter of the money.

In conclusion
, it is
clearly
visible that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
did not pay more on books as Japanese spent 9%,
respectively
8% by Australians.
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IELTS academic The pie chart below show how teenagers in Japan and Australia spent their money in 2019.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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