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the pie chart below illustrate the number of journal articles read per week

the pie chart below illustrate the number of journal articles read per week mWrAr
Given are the pie charts illustrating how people in Japan and Malaysia allocated their money for five different categories in 2010. Overall, housing was the one that Malaysians spent most of their money on, registering the highest percentage in both charts. In Japan, however, other items and services were the priority when it came to spending. It is also apparent that the greatest difference in money allocation was witnessed in Malaysia, between transport and other goods. As for housing fees, the amount of money spent on this category in Malaysia was 34%, which accounted for more than one third of the total spending and surpassed that in Japan by 13%. With respect to transport and healthcare, Japan recorded 20% of the average household spending poured into the former and 6% into the latter. Malaysians, in contrast, used only half of the amount by their Japanese counterparts, with 10% and 3%, respectively. Regarding food, the expenditures on this sector in these nations only showed a minimal gap of 3%, constituting 24% in Japan and 27% in Malaysia. The difference of 3% was also seen in the spending on other products and services but this time, conversely, the segment in Malaysia comprised 26%, which was exceeded by that in Japan, with 29%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the pie charts illustrating how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia allocated their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
categories in 2010.
Overall
, housing was the one that Malaysians spent most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on, registering the highest percentage in both charts. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
,
however
, other items and services were the priority when it came to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
. It is
also
apparent that the greatest difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
allocation
was witnessed
in Malaysia, between transport and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

As for housing fees, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on this category in Malaysia was 34%, which accounted for more than one third of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
and surpassed that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
by 13%. With respect to transport and healthcare,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
recorded 20% of the average household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
poured into the former and 6% into the latter. Malaysians,
in contrast
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half of the amount by their Japanese counterparts, with 10% and 3%,
respectively
.

Regarding food, the expenditures on this sector in these nations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a minimal gap of 3%, constituting 24% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and 27% in Malaysia. The difference of 3% was
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on other products and services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this time,
conversely
, the segment in Malaysia comprised 26%, which
was exceeded
by that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, with 29%.
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IELTS academic the pie chart below illustrate the number of journal articles read per week

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
210 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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