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The picture as a whole describes the growing dominance of the stones used to cut in the stone age.

The picture as a whole describes the growing dominance of the stones used to cut in the stone age. Lbydr
The picture as a whole describes the growing dominance of the stones used to cut in the stone age. Through this diagram, the evolution between cutting tools was made 1. 4 million years ago and those in 800 thousand years ago can be observed clearly. The first stone was used as cutting tools over million years ago. In overall, it was simple because in this stage, ancester of modern human did not have the ability to create a sharp stones. It was also quite big viewing from back view, front view and side view. Therefore, these tools were difficult to hold and cut things. The second was upgraded. It could be seen as a more complicated stones which provide evidence evolution in human’s awareness. Moreover, it was also smaller and sharper than the first stone so that it was more likely to hold, cut things or even become a weapon. In short, this diagram provides a comparison of two kind of cutting tools in two period in the stone age and consequently, shows a overall picture about ancester of mordern human’s life and the evolution of them which can be observed through stones tools they used.
The picture as a whole
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describes
the growing dominance of the
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stones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
stone age
. Through this diagram, the evolution between cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
was made
1. 4 million years ago and those in 800 thousand years ago can
be observed
clearly
.

The
first
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stone
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
over million years ago. In
overall
, it was simple
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because
in this stage,
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ancester
of modern human did not have the ability to create a sharp
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stones
. It was
also
quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
viewing from back view, front view and side view.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
were difficult to hold and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
things.

The second
was upgraded
. It could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a more complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stones
which provide evidence evolution in human’s awareness.
Moreover
, it was
also
smaller and sharper than the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it was more likely to hold,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
things or even become a weapon.

In short, this diagram provides a comparison of two kind of cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
in two period in the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
stone age
and
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
overall
picture about
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ancester
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
mordern
human’s life and the evolution of them which can
be observed
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tools
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
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IELTS academic The picture as a whole describes the growing dominance of the stones used to cut in the stone age.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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