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Describe the graph about students of different ages who studying for career and for interest. what are the main trends? You work as a recruiter for a college. you are planning to offer Spanish and Japanese language classes as electives. which group would you target and why?

Describe the graph about students of different ages who studying for career and for interest. what are the main trends? You work as a recruiter for a college. you are planning to offer Spanish and Japanese language classes as electives. which group would you target and why? gW6n1
The bar graph displays information regarding the students of different ages in terms of why they are studying according for their interest and for career. As we can see, the horizontal axis describes the pupils age from under 26 to over 49. Moreover, the vertical axis describes the percentages of each group. The most noticeable data is that the proportion of students who study for career is for higher among the younger age groups, while the oldest students are more likely to study for their interest. The figures for those in their forties are the same, at about 41%. The learners aged over 49 study for interest that is 70% rather than profession reasons that is just under 20%. Moreover, 80% students under 26 years continue their education to build a career. If I will be planning to offer Spanish and Japanese languages, then definitely I will choose students who are under the age of 30’s because they will get more opportunities to get high salary jobs as a result they would be able to have high standard of living.
The bar graph displays information regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in terms of why they are studying
Did you mean: "according to"? according to: (as stated/in the opinion of)
according for
their interest and for career. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, the horizontal axis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from under 26 to over 49.
Moreover
, the vertical axis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the percentages of each group.

The most noticeable data is that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who study for career is for higher among the younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups, while the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more likely to study for their interest.

The figures for those in their forties are the same, at about 41%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
learners aged over 49 study for interest
that is
70%
rather
than profession reasons
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 20%.
Moreover
, 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
under 26 years continue their education to build a career.

If I will be planning to offer Spanish and Japanese languages, then definitely I will choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are under the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "30s".
30’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high salary jobs
as a result
they would be able to have high standard of living.
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IELTS academic Describe the graph about students of different ages who studying for career and for interest. what are the main trends? You work as a recruiter for a college. you are planning to offer Spanish and Japanese language classes as electives. which group would you target and why?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
180 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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