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The percentage of unemployment rate in Australia in 2021 urban and rural areas

The percentage of unemployment rate in Australia in 2021 urban and rural areas kLr1M
The information compares the percentage of unemployment rate in Australia during 2021 in both urban and rural areas is depicted by rendered line graph. Overall, it is vividly manifested that the biggest proportion of the jobless lived in shureb areas however, in initial period of time it lowest in the city centres but after that it follow fluctuating trend Analysing data into more detail, in the first year, there was a highest percentile of the Australians were unemployed in countryside which was registered at near to peak value 7% whereas, after that it decreased steadily and reached at approximately 4. 5% in the last of second year. In the subsequent time, it followed the fluctuating trend and arrived at more than five - percent however, in the mid of third year it decreased moderately meanwhile, slowly inclined and stable at 5% in the last of fourth year. Moving to the further detail of urban areas, it was common in the starting of first year it rose up significantly in the last of first year which was calculated at more than 3% after that it grow persistently and stood at 4% in the mid of second year it go down two- folds dramatically in the third year then it shooted up quickly settled at four- percent in the fourth year it declined moderately and arrived at near to 5 percent in the last of fourth year.
The information compares the percentage of unemployment rate in Australia during 2021 in both urban and rural areas
is depicted
by rendered line graph.
Overall
, it is
vividly
manifested that the biggest proportion of the jobless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
shureb
areas
however
, in initial period of time
Did you mean "is" or "it is"?
it
lowest in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after that it follow fluctuating trend
Possible spelling mistake. 'Analysing' is British English.
Analysing
data into more detail, in the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, there was
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
highest percentile of the Australians
were unemployed
in countryside which
was registered
at near to peak value 7% whereas, after that it decreased
steadily
and reached at approximately 4. 5% in the last of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. In the subsequent time, it followed the fluctuating trend and arrived at more than five
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
percent
however
, in the mid of third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it decreased
moderately
meanwhile,
slowly
inclined and stable at 5% in the last of fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Moving to the
further
detail of urban areas, it was common in the starting of
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it rose up
significantly
in the last of
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
which
was calculated
at more than 3% after that it grow
persistently
and stood at 4% in the mid of second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it go down two- folds
dramatically
in the third
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
then
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "shot", the past tense form of the verb 'shoot'?
it shooted
up
quickly
settled at four- percent in the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
it declined
moderately
and arrived at near to 5 percent in the last of fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.

IELTS academic The percentage of unemployment rate in Australia in 2021 urban and rural areas

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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