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Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. To what extent do you agree with this? v.4

Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. v. 4
It is true, that women are more relaxed than men in many situations. It is because more and more women currently do not think about minor problems in life, however, men who work overtime and in extra hours are more tend to have outrage character. In my opinion, I do agree on the fact that women are more peaceful in life than men, but, due to this reason, fewer individuals have a misconception; on women having more aggressive personalities because they are been terrified with house cores and their children, furthermore, many house wifes prefer to look after their kids rather than hiring a nanny. While men in their leisure time are more relaxed while watching TV or read a newspaper. For instance, Some psychiatrist has been said that " Women are more peacefully fine in physical and mental health because they are always interested to do morning workout to heal all their negativity and be active all day. On the other hand, men are always in a rush and most of all they skip the most significant thing which is a breakfast which makes their character outrage. To sum up, In my opinion, men should have more leisure time and limited work hour to spend some time with their loved ones as well as, despite the fact, workaholic women are less stressed, to reduce their stress working women workout after or before their office hours.
It is true, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more relaxed than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
situations. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
currently
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about minor problems in life,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who work overtime and in extra hours are more tend to have outrage character.

In my opinion, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more peaceful in life than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, due to this reason, fewer individuals have a misconception; on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
having more aggressive personalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are been
terrified with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
cores and their children,
furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "wives", the plural form of the noun 'wife'?
wifes
prefer to look after their kids
rather
than hiring a nanny. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
in their leisure time are more relaxed while watching TV or read a newspaper.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
psychiatrist has
been said
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
are more
peacefully
fine in physical and mental health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always interested to do morning workout to heal all their negativity and be active all day.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are always in a rush and most of all they skip the most significant thing which is a breakfast which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
their character outrage.

To sum up, In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
should have more leisure time and limited work hour to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones
as well
as, despite the fact, workaholic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
workout after or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their office hours.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic Some people think that women are generally more peaceful than men as their characters are naturally more nurturing than aggressive. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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