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The number of passengers using a metro station in Paris for a day

The number of passengers using a metro station in Paris for a day mO3N
The line graph compares the number or passengers that metro station received in Paris from 6am to 10pm. It is clear that the highest number of people used the train between 8am and 9am, and between 18: 00 and 19: 00. By contrast, the time between 16: 00 and 17: 00 saw the lowest number of people using the service. The number of passenger rose dramatically from 100 at 6am to a peak of 400 around 8. 30am. however, the figure dropped substantially by around 200 people by approximately 10am. From 10am to roughly 16: 30, there was a fluctuation between 100 and 300 people, reaching the lowest number of people again at 16: 00. More and more passengers started to take the train from 4pm to around 6. 30pm, with the increase of 300 people. But the figure fell substantially fell to 100 passengers at 8. 15pm. there was a slight increase of 100 people during one hour, but dropped around 90 people at 22: 30.
The line graph compares the
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number
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or
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passengers
that metro station received in Paris from 6am to 10pm.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the highest
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number
of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the train between 8am and 9am, and between 18: 00 and 19: 00. By contrast, the time between 16: 00 and 17: 00
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saw
the lowest
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using the service.

The
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number
of
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passenger
rose
dramatically
from 100 at 6am to a peak of 400
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around
8. 30am.
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however
, the figure dropped
substantially
by
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around
200
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people
by approximately 10am. From 10am to roughly 16: 30, there was a fluctuation between 100 and 300
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people
, reaching the lowest
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number
of
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people
again at 16: 00.

More and more
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passengers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take the train from 4pm to
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around
6. 30pm, with the increase of 300
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people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the figure fell
substantially
fell to 100
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passengers
at 8. 15pm.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
was a slight increase of 100
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people
during one hour,
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but
dropped
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around
90
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at 22: 30.
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IELTS academic The number of passengers using a metro station in Paris for a day

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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