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The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. oA1B
The diagram, demonstrates how the honey is produced within the seven stages To being with, in the first stage bees has to build a hive from which they travels in search of flowers, when the flower is found by the group of bees moving on to the next stage bees land on the flowers and extract nectar from the flowers. Once nectar has be collected bees travels back to the hive with all the collected nectar and inserts in to the cells of the hive, as bees flaps wings the warm air is generated due to which evaporation occurs and water is evaporated from the cells and which results in to honey. Hence the cycle continues. Overall, the process is lengthy and simple from flower to the hives, flower plays a vital role in the process of honey-making.
The diagram, demonstrates how the honey
is produced
within the seven stages

To
Did you mean "begin"?
being
with, in the
first
stage bees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
build a hive from which they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "travel"
travels
in search of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flowers
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flower
is found
by the group of bees moving on to the
next
stage bees land on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flowers
and extract nectar from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flowers
. Once nectar has
be collected
bees travels back to the hive with all the collected nectar and inserts in to the cells of the hive, as bees flaps wings the warm air
is generated
due to which evaporation occurs and water
is evaporated
from the cells and which results in to honey.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the cycle continues.
Overall
, the process is lengthy and simple from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flower
to the hives,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
flower
plays a vital role in the process of honey-making.
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IELTS academic The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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