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the number of passengers of underground station in London

The line graph depicts the number of commuters in the United Kingdom underground station in a day. Overall, the rate of passengers varies at different times of the day. usually, the mornings and evenings in the underground station are busy with passengers at 8 am and 6 pm there are around 400 people at the time, because of working hours of most of the people usually start at 8 am and ends at 6 pm. Meanwhile, 6 am and 4 pm, 8 pm there would 100 people, at 9 am, 12 pm, 1 pm, 2 pm, 7 pm there would be around 300 passengers, the are more passengers during afternoons compared to evenings and nights, the rate depends on various factors like working hours of people and college timings, climatic conditions it may also differ in weekends and in holiday seasons although in the remaining times there would be around 150 people to 200 people in a day
The line graph depicts the number of commuters in the United Kingdom underground station in a day.

Overall
, the rate of
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passengers
varies at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
times of the day.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
usually
, the mornings and evenings in the underground station are busy with
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passengers
at 8 am and 6 pm there are around 400
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people
at the time,
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because
of working hours of most of the
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people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at 8 am and ends at 6 pm.

Meanwhile, 6 am and 4 pm, 8 pm there would 100
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people
, at 9 am, 12 pm, 1 pm, 2 pm, 7 pm there would be around 300
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passengers
,
Did you mean “they are” or “there are”?
the are
more
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passengers
during afternoons compared to evenings and nights, the rate depends on various factors like working hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and college timings, climatic conditions it may
also
differ in weekends and in holiday seasons

although in the remaining times there would be around 150
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people
to 200
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people
in a day
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IELTS academic the number of passengers of underground station in London

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
157 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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