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the number of jobs in tourism-related industries

the number of jobs in tourism-related industries 552om
The graph illustrates how many employees in the tourism industries in a UK city over a 20-year period, starting from 1989. Overall, there were upward trends in the number of jobs in restaurants and hotels, as opposed to the data for the other 2 categories. In addition, workers in restaurants registered the highest figures for most of the period, which peaked in 2004. The number of jobs in restaurants, which stood at 1100 in 1989, witnessed a remarkable increase to reach 1600 in 2004, followed by a considerable fall to 1300 after 5 years. Similar growth was experienced in the number of people who work in hotels, which surged by 250 in the first 5 years of the given period, before gradually going down to 1050 in 2009. In the first year of the period, the number of sport and leisure staff were slightly higher than the figure for travel and tours, at 900 and 800, respectively. A modest drop of 500 to reach 1400 was exhibited in the data for sport and leisure between 1989 and 1994, followed by a slight decline after 5 years. This number then steadily decreased to bottom at 700 in 2009. The period between 1989 and 1994 displayed a significant ascend to top at 1050 in the figure of jobs in travels and tours. This data then stayed unmodified until 1999, before steadily dipping over the last 10 years of the period.
The graph illustrates how
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many
employees in the tourism industries in a UK city over a
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20-year
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period
, starting from 1989.

Overall
, there were upward trends in the
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number
of jobs in restaurants and hotels, as opposed to the data for the other 2 categories.
In addition
, workers in restaurants registered the highest figures for most of the
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period
, which peaked in 2004.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of jobs in restaurants, which stood at 1100 in 1989, witnessed a remarkable increase to reach 1600 in 2004, followed by a considerable fall to 1300 after 5 years. Similar growth
was experienced
in the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who work in hotels, which surged by 250 in the
first
5 years of the
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given
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period
,
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before
gradually
going down to 1050 in 2009.

In the
first
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year
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of sport and leisure staff were
slightly
higher than the figure for travel and tours, at 900 and 800,
respectively
. A modest drop of 500 to reach 1400
was exhibited
in the data for sport and leisure between 1989 and 1994, followed by a slight decline after 5 years. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
then
steadily
decreased to bottom at 700 in 2009. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
between 1989 and 1994 displayed a significant ascend to top at 1050 in the figure of jobs in travels and tours. This data then stayed unmodified until 1999,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
steadily
dipping over the last 10 years of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
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IELTS academic the number of jobs in tourism-related industries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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