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The njoyed by men and women of different employment status

The njoyed by men and women of different employment status 5ERQ
The chart shows the number of hours of leisure enjoyed by men and women in a typical week in 1998-9, according to gender and employment status. Among those employed full-time, men on average had fifty hours of leisure, whereas women had approximately thirty-seven hours. There were no figures given for male part-time workers, but female part-timers had forty hours of leisure time, only slightly more than women in full-time employment, perhaps reflecting their work in the home. In the unemployed and retired categories, leisure time showed an increase for both sexes, as might have been expected. Here too, men enjoyed more leisure time over eighty hours, compared with seventy hours for women, perhaps once again reflecting the fact that women spend more time working in the home than men. Lastly, housewives enjoyed approximately fifty-four hours of leisure, on average. There were no figures given for househusbands! Overall, the chart demonstrates that in the categories for which statistics on male leisure time were available, men enjoyed at least ten hours of extra leisure time.
The chart
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shows
the number of
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hours
of
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leisure
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enjoyed
by
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men
and
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women
in a typical week in 1998-9, according to gender and employment status.

Among those employed full-time,
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men
on average had fifty
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hours
of
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leisure
, whereas
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women
had approximately thirty-seven
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hours
. There were no figures
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given
for male part-time workers,
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but
female part-timers had forty
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hours
of
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leisure
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time
,
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only
slightly
more than
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women
in full-time employment, perhaps reflecting their work in the home.

In the unemployed and retired categories,
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leisure
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time
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showed
an increase for both sexes, as might have been
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expected
. Here too,
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men
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enjoyed
more
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leisure
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time
over eighty
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hours
, compared with seventy
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hours
for
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women
, perhaps once again reflecting the fact that
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women
spend more
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time
working in the home than
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men
.

Lastly
, housewives
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enjoyed
approximately fifty-four
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hours
of
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leisure
, on average. There were no figures
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given
for househusbands!
Overall
, the chart demonstrates that in the categories for which statistics on male
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leisure
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time
were available,
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men
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enjoyed
at least ten
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hours
of extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
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IELTS academic The njoyed by men and women of different employment status

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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