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The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey. o22b
The diagram shows that how bees produce honey and as it can be seen this process has been concluded at seven steps consequently, starts with a hive which bees make and then finishes with the honey is ready and can be used by people. First of all, bees start to built their hive for locating nectar in it. Secondly, they leave their home and fly over the flowers in order to collect the nectars of flowers. Thirdly, they gather all of nectars from flowers and then go back to their hives. After putting all of them into the little holes, they commence to wave their wings quickly and uninterrupted in order to create air circulation all over the cells. Following this, water which locates in the holes of hive begins to evaporate and after the only honey stay in there. Once and for all, raw honey is ready to pick and consume.
The diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that how bees produce honey and as it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
this process has
been concluded
at seven steps
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with a hive which bees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
and then finishes with the honey is ready and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, bees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to built their hive for locating nectar in it.
Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their home and
fly
over the flowers in order to collect the
Possible spelling mistake found.
nectars
of flowers.
Thirdly
, they gather
Consider using "all nectars" or "all of the nectars".
all of nectars
from flowers and then go back to their hives. After putting all of them into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
holes, they commence to wave their wings
quickly
and uninterrupted in order to create air circulation all over the cells. Following this, water which locates in the holes of hive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to evaporate and after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
honey stay in there. Once and for all, raw honey is ready to pick and consume.
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IELTS academic The diagram illustrates how bees produce honey.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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