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The line graphs illustrate the proportion

The line graphs illustrate the proportion 9anmx
The line graphs illustrate the proportion of electrical products, such as washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner, which were owned by people in households. Moreover, the second figure gives the information about the hour usage for cleaning the house per week, both figures given the data in between 1920 to 2019. Initially, the refrigerator was begun to be known in 1920, the usage started from 0% and rapidly went up to 90% in 40 years, then there was gradually rose to fully 100% in 1980 and maintained the same level toward 2019. Apparently, vacuum cleaner had been using since 1920 with 30% of users and continually increased to 90% in 2000 and became 100% in 2000, After that the same figure as refrigerator was observed. However, the washing machine was not as popular as the first two machines. The graph started at 40% and steadily rose to 70% in 1960, it was slightly decreased to 65% in 1980. After that, the washing machine was going back to 70% and approximately 75% in 2000 and 2019, respectively.
The line graphs illustrate the proportion of electrical products, such as washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner, which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in households.
Moreover
, the second figure gives the information about the hour usage for cleaning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
per week, both figures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the data in
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1920 and 2019".
between 1920 to 2019
.

Initially
, the refrigerator
was begun
to
be known
in 1920, the usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 0% and
rapidly
went up to 90% in 40 years, then there was
gradually
rose to
fully
100% in 1980 and maintained the same level toward 2019.
Apparently
, vacuum cleaner had been using since 1920 with 30% of users and
continually
increased to 90% in 2000 and became 100% in 2000, After that the same figure as refrigerator
was observed
.

However
, the washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
was not as popular as the
first
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 40% and
steadily
rose to 70% in 1960, it was
slightly
decreased to 65% in 1980. After that, the washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
was going back to 70% and approximately 75% in 2000 and 2019,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The line graphs illustrate the proportion

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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