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the figure below shows fish pie production

the figure below shows fish pie production LG0Vr
The figure illustrates the process of making a fish pie dish with a microwaveable package which is included fish, potato, sauce, and peas. The initial impression from the graph is that the process of manufacturing fish pie contains two main lines of producing which in the end is combined. The liner process of potatoes begins with delivering the potatoes up to one month next, the potatoes are not peeled unless they are cleaned, after being peeled, the potatoes are ready to be sliced then, the potatoes are not stored only if they are boiled and chilled. the output of this particular stage is combined with the output of the next one. Another linear process is followed by delivering fresh salmon in less than 12 hours, before steaming the fish in an oven, they added lemon juice and salt to the fish another thing to consider is that the skins and bones are removed by the workers then, the inspectors have been checking the product after that, the prepared peas and sauce are added to the fish then the stored potatoes form another production line are combined together. An important thing to point out is that the contents are not frozen until they are wrapped by the workers. Storing and dispatching mark the final stage.
The figure illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of making a fish pie dish with a microwaveable package which
is included
fish,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potato
, sauce, and peas.

The initial impression from the graph is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of manufacturing fish pie contains two main lines of producing which in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
is combined
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
liner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with delivering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
up to one month
next
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are not peeled unless they
are cleaned
, after
being peeled
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are ready to
be sliced
then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are not stored
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if they
are boiled
and chilled.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
output of this particular stage
is combined
with the output of the
next
one.

Another linear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
is followed
by delivering fresh salmon in less than 12 hours,

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
steaming the fish in an oven, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
lemon juice and salt to the fish another thing to consider is that the skins and bones
are removed
by the workers then, the inspectors have been checking the product after that, the prepared peas and sauce are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the fish then the stored
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
form another production line are
'combined together' is redundant. Use "combined"
combined together
. An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to point out is that the contents are not frozen until they
are wrapped
by the workers. Storing and dispatching mark the final stage.
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IELTS academic the figure below shows fish pie production

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
214 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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