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The chart below give global deforestation caused by different activities

The chart below give global deforestation caused by different activities kb2G2
The pie charts give the information about the proportion of activities caused global deforestation during the period in 2006. Overall, a large number of activities resulted in global deforestation, the vast majority of cattle ranches and small scale were consequence of deforestation around the world. Looking at the statistics during that year, it can be seen that the charts were partitioned into three sections, two of which made up more than a 80% share. Only one tenth different activities caused global deforestation in the whole chart that related to infrastructure construction and economic activities, making up a insignificant part On the other hand, cattle ranches and small scale subsistence were the two most factors leading to global deforestation. The percentage of small scale did not made up as much as cattle ranches which occupied 33% in chart while cattle ranches took up around half of factors direct consequence of this issue
The pie
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charts
give the information about the proportion of
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activities
caused
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global
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deforestation
during the period in 2006.
Overall
,
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a large number of
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activities
resulted in
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global
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deforestation
, the vast majority of
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cattle
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ranches
and
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small
scale were consequence of
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deforestation
around the world.

Looking at the statistics during that year, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
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charts
were partitioned
into three sections, two of which made up more than
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
80% share.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
one tenth
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different
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activities
caused
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global
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deforestation
in the whole
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chart
that related to infrastructure construction and economic
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activities
, making up
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a
insignificant part

On the other hand
,
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cattle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ranches
and
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small
scale subsistence were the two most factors leading to
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global
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deforestation
. The percentage of
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small
scale did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "make"
made
up as much as
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cattle
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ranches
which occupied 33% in
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chart
while
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cattle
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ranches
took up around half of factors direct consequence of this
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issue
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IELTS academic The chart below give global deforestation caused by different activities

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
150 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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