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The line graph shows the percentage of 18-25 years old in universities in four different countries.

The given line graph illustrates the percentage of university students in four different nations, namely Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines and Thailand during 1961 to 2011. Overall, it is clearly seen that the proportion of education seekers in all given countries followed upward trend whereas majority was concerned with Thailand. However, there was a minimum difference between the numbers of Malaysia and Philippines. On analysing the data it is apparent that the Singapore pupils increased sharply from 15 % in 1961 to 30% in 1971 While there was a slight decrease in case of Thailand students from 25% to just over 20% during this period of time. The percentage of philippines students remained stable at 7% until 1971 whereas there was a sharp rise in percentage of Malaysia university pupils just around 10% in 1971. Moving towards rest of the description, the percentage of singapore admissions was highest than all other countries until 2001 at 40% while after a decade Thailand take lead by 41% students. Philippines pupils remained stable at 15 % until 2011. However, Malaysia enrollment followed upward trend during given period of time and accounted at just under 20% in 2011.
The
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given
line graph illustrates the
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percentage
of university
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students
in four
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different
nations,
namely
Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines and Thailand during 1961 to 2011.
Overall
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the proportion of education seekers in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
countries followed upward trend whereas majority
was concerned
with Thailand.
However
, there was a minimum difference between the numbers of Malaysia and Philippines. On
Possible spelling mistake. ‘analysing’ is British English.
analysing
the data it is apparent that the Singapore pupils increased
sharply
from 15 % in 1961 to 30% in 1971 While there was a slight decrease in case of Thailand
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students
from 25% to
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just
over 20% during this period of time. The
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percentage
of
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philippines
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students
remained stable at 7% until 1971 whereas there was a sharp rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Malaysia university pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
around 10% in 1971. Moving towards rest of the description, the
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percentage
of
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singapore
admissions was
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highest than
all other countries until 2001 at 40% while after a decade Thailand take lead by 41%
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students
. Philippines pupils remained stable at 15 % until 2011.
However
, Malaysia enrollment followed upward trend during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of time and accounted at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 20% in 2011.
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I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The line graph shows the percentage of 18-25 years old in universities in four different countries.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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