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The given presentation illustrates the information about the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in different nations.

The given presentation illustrates the information about the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in different nations. To start with, while the figure for number of mobile phones users in Italy went up dramatically to 90, the quantity in Canada plummeted to 39. The number of mobile phones users in Sweden experienced an increase to 89, before hitting a free fall to 46 in US. Comparing the number of mobile phones users in Denmark and UK the difference was only 2. While the number of mobile phones users in Germany was recorded to be 70 out of 100 people. Further scrutinizing the bar graph, the maximum number of landlines users in Denmark which was 89. The figure for number of people use landlines in Italy hit a free fall to 42, after under going an increase to 62 in Canada. It is interesting to noticed that the number of landline users in US and Sweden was exactly equal at 68. Comparing the number of people use landline in Germany and UK the difference was only 1.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
presentation illustrates the information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and landlines per 100
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people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, while the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Italy went up
dramatically
to 90, the quantity in Canada plummeted to 39. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Sweden experienced an increase to 89,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hitting a free fall to 46 in US. Comparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Denmark and UK the difference was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the
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number
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Germany
was recorded
to be 70 out of 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
scrutinizing the bar graph, the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of landlines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in Denmark which was 89. The figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
landlines in Italy hit a free fall to 42, after
This is normally spelled as one word.
under going
an increase to 62 in Canada. It is interesting to noticed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of landline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
users
in US and Sweden was exactly equal at 68. Comparing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
landline in Germany and UK the difference was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1.
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To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The given presentation illustrates the information about the number of mobile phones and landlines per 100 people in different nations.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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