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The line graph show the the birth and death rate in New Zealand between 190 1to 2101.

The line graph show the the birth and death rate in New Zealand between 190 1to 2101. GMk9Q
To commence with coma in 1901 the birth rates was 20s of New Zealand residents. after the remaining real common the birth ratio of pupil increase slightly from 1921 to 1961, it was reached at above 60s in 1961. However, there was a modest decline noticed in the birth rate of people in 1981 it accounted by almost 50s. This was followed by a tiny rose in 2001. there is a forecast, the birth rate will be drop in the coming year and fall to nearly 40s in 2101. Moving towards the rest of description, there was approximately 10s people dead in 1901. After that, there had been a gradual rise seen in the death rate of people, it comprised to 20s from 1921 to 2001. Moreover there is a dramatic increase in deaths rate of New Zealand in the estimated data, which will be reached at near about 60s during 20 41 to 2101. Overall, it can be observed that birth rate of people in New Zealand show the fluctuation trend. While, death rate show an upward trend.
To commence with coma in 1901 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
was 20s of New Zealand residents.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
the remaining real common the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
ratio of pupil increase
slightly
from 1921 to 1961, it
was reached
at above 60s in 1961.
However
, there was a modest decline noticed in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 1981 it accounted by almost 50s. This
was followed
by a tiny rose in 2001.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
is a forecast, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
will be
Consider using a past participle here: "dropped".
drop
in the coming year and fall to
nearly
40s in 2101. Moving towards the rest of description, there was approximately 10s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dead in 1901. After that, there had been a gradual rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it comprised to 20s from 1921 to 2001.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
there is a dramatic increase in deaths
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of New Zealand in the estimated data, which will
be reached
at near about 60s during 20 41 to 2101.
Overall
, it can
be observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in New Zealand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the fluctuation trend.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
, death
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an upward trend.
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IELTS academic The line graph show the the birth and death rate in New Zealand between 190 1to 2101.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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