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Main reason for migration to/from the UK

Main reason for migration to/from the UK Dlj36
The pie charts illustrate the rate of different reasons for migration to/from the UK in 2007. Overall, definite job played the most important role for both forms of migration. For instance, the left pie chart provides information on the major causes why people immigrate to the UK in the given year. As can be seen clearly, the rate of people who travelled into the UK by dint of definite job topped the chart with 30%, followed by the reason about formal study with 26%. In the same way, in the right chart, definite job was also the main motivation for emigration from the UK with 29%. While 12% of people reported that they migrated to the UK because of looking for work, in the right pie chart, this reason for emigration from the UK occupied 22%. An interesting note is that the big difference in reason between immigration and emigration is that the proportion of people who travelled into this country owing to formal study only followed by definite job, while this reason for emigration bottomed the chart.
The pie
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charts
illustrate the rate of
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different
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reasons
for migration to/from the UK in 2007.

Overall
,
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definite
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job
played the most
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important
role for both forms of migration.

For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
pie
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chart
provides information on the major causes why
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people
immigrate to the UK in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
year. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
, the rate of
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people
who travelled into the UK by dint of
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definite
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job
topped the
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chart
with 30%, followed by the
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reason
about formal study with 26%.

In the same way
, in the right
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chart
,
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definite
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job
was
also
the main motivation for emigration from the UK with 29%. While 12% of
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people
reported that they migrated to the UK
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of looking for work, in the right pie
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chart
, this
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reason
for emigration from the UK occupied 22%.

An interesting note is that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference in
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reason
between immigration and emigration is that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who travelled into this country owing to formal study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
followed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, while this
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reason
for emigration bottomed the
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chart
.
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IELTS academic Main reason for migration to/from the UK

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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